ROYAL SADNESS

My raggedy pillow

My raggedy chair

My raggedy face

These misfit “” and overworn blankets

My shamed games of gratefulness and joy

Covered, totally wrenched with water flowing from my face

There is a God he knows me

There is a Jesus -A king

He called me sister -Royal

Then our Fathers servants, The head of them said,

“Do you know what it means to be Royal?”

It means your life is always in danger

It means you need me forever

It means you learned a lot from your brother -a craig

He was not yet royal, but your life was in danger

Peace is not owed to you, not then, not now

You will do good and find danger

You will do bad and reap immensely

You can be grateful, and no one will care

You will give and everyone will take

You will take and everyone will expose you

So, then what does it mean to be Royal?

A predator and a prey

A rich hearted nobody

A old soul and a young heart

It doesn’t mean anything

Nothing means no thing

I’ll know exactly where to find a slave

Point to a slave and gratefulness for sorrow is in that same direction

Just tell me be and I’ll do as I’m told

Like the best dog Betty

I won’t ask for much and I’ll take my hugs and my ball when they come

My teeth hurt

My face hurts

I beat myself and I didn’t care

Because caring is a weakness I can’t always afford

Knowing means nothing

The same way that nothing means no thing

And so I just lay here in my water

Trying desperately to be no thing

Smoke in a room of nothingness

Air in a house of gas

Nothing has feelings too

And gas finds warmth in a hug

I want to lose care, but it finds me

In that pillow, and

In that air